The Red Lines.

I'm not a genius.


I can't do mathematics on my head. I can't invent Facebook. I can't compose a song nor do I have the talent to sing one. I don't know who killed that U.S president which was mentioned on my history class in high school. I can't use more than ten percent of my brains to function. I can't invent anything. I suck at debates. I don't know how to use commas and semicolons. I can't speak French. My English is bad. I don't know how to play chess.

Nor am I cool.


I don't go to parties and dress like some celebrity. I don't have the money to afford those useless luxuries people have nowadays. I don't know how to dance. I can't speak like Mark Zuckerberg. I can't hack to any site like  Kristina Svechinskaya.  I can't get any followers or whatever. I don't appreciate loud music. I hate crowded places. I despise social people thus making me uncool right from the start.


I'm not awesome either.


I can't think of anything that i'm good at. I'm lame. I mess up easily and i feel stupid most of the time.
But you know what? I'm starting to not care at all. It's still a long way but I'm getting there. I'm getting to the point where I wear who I am on my sleeves and fuck others if they say otherwise. I'm planning to leave all this shit behind. Get a new life. Start a new page of mistakes and learn from the other page that being an asshole isn't always cool.


I'm just me after all. I know it's a petty excuse but that's all I have to at least redeem some of my ego, my pride, me. I'm not running from anything by getting out of the picture. I just want a new album.Get a new lens to look myself from. Defog the blurriness that was me.
I still won't aim to please. Nor will I change for the betterment of the people. I'll change because I want to change. I feel like I need to change.


It's not so bad. Once I take a good look of the preview ahead... it ain't that bad at all.
I may lose something...Well, many things but maybe i'll gain much more. Who knows?
maybe I'll get to be the genius I so want to become, or maybe be the cool guy for being himself. I may somehow be awesome for all I know. But either way, awesome or not, all I want to do is flip the next page and start a new chapter.


Who knows, I may get to be a billionaire. :)  

Can't Help but Smile

Let's face it.

I  never imagined this would happen...

Would you like to guess what happened to lil' ol' plain me? No right?

Well then i won't beat around the bush anymore. "He" asked me to be his girlfriend and wait for me...Tempting right?

I easily got tempted. (hahaha)

I said yes. Through fucking ym and facebook. I know he doesn't want people to know bout our relationship much..Only those close to us.. I accept that.. so try my best not to act like a Love-struck girl and post whatever shit on facebook or whatever social site I can find. I really don't want to bother people especially him.

This will be a very hard relationship... Only relying on chat and social networking sites... No text messages, no calls, no visit, no face-to-face, no nothing. I'm so anxious to catch him online that I seldom turn off my computer..not that it has much difference in the past anyway. (all those downloads and I'm an insomniac.=.=)

So the only thing I can do is wait.

wait and wait and and wait.

Now he's getting busier and busier cuz' he's trying  to land a job and go to college and everything, plus he's a gamer so I can't really distract him when he's playing (dunn wanna be a bother plus i know the feeling ^^).

But I'll get by~ I've spent my years waiting...What's the diff. now?

Hmmm... Maybe the difference is that I'm waiting for something that I want so badly to see..touch..feel...embrace.

I can only hope for the best.

...Wish me luck <3